The Void

The aftermath. The Harvest. Or the finishing a very long transit of initiation. Death. The Void. Aftermath. Rebirth. I actually don't know the correct order, they have merged into little steps that are happening all at once.

It seems over. Now. The distance reached from where I can see it all in total. Sometimes you need to get there, before the picture clears. Seeing the full perspective, you know what you couldn't know whilst in it. If they only taught us the art of Patience in school.

I spend my mornings crying. A welcome release of the pain I kept down to move away from the heartache I couldn't bear to be in at the time I was busy releasing a billion years of anger, injustice done to a feminine ancestral line. Realizing emotions have no reason. They just are. They are like that Thunder roaring as the serendipity of Lightning; high electrical charged energy produces hot Air that simply explodes. Only Thunder doesn't ask whether it's too loud or too much, it just explodes. But as Humans for some strange reason, we have learned that Women should not display such violent actions, whereas Men are almost applauded for their passions.

This injustice was poison. (Worse than the Water we are being allowed to drink, because we as a species have given up trying to change and heal where we have come to. It must run its course...?) Sometimes the poison in your system is so toxic it takes a lot to clear.

Becoming a hybrid woman I suppose, a forced change in how to be feminine, how to be sexual, how to be human, how to live with physical pain, how to have a healthy life still, how to want life, relationships, is it important to be attractive, to whom, why, why bother etc were questions arising.

And why is it expected?

Coming of a certain age and alignment with one's soul there is just a knowing. And a question. What do you want from life? What's left to explore and experience, now you are free. Knowing the inevitable. Knowing you are One.

And why do you keep asking others, when it's your life and you already know.

I know.

Fixed.

So I spend my mornings crying. Because it's time. The Heart wants to open, not close. That was what the whole journey was for. And I still have that Thunder in my Heart. Because I am what I am.